I am so excited! Here drinking my morning green tea, i have just been visited by an image of St. Peter, who proclaimed to me that all my personal dreams are about to come true, provided i can write them down on this blog in the next half an hour!! Wow. So please excuse any spelling mistakes: I am about to restructure my life, and I need to do it fast, since i can’t type that quickly, but I need be careful, because I am not allowed to revise anything I write!
First of all, I am going to live a healthy life till I’m 100. Unfortunately he said I could only dictate what happens to me, not anyone else, so I can only hope the rest of my family is okay. And why not beyond a hundred? He said I couldn’t actually change my physical characteristics, so I reckon that beyond 100, frailty is too much of an issue. But I’m wasting time explaining these things to you!
Clearly I want a nice house for us, one that we own. Real estate prices are totally ridiculous here in Sydney, what with…oh I don’t need to explain why, it’s too long a story, suffice to say that for only $2 million I can get a beautiful three bedroom house in a good neighbourhood not far from the Uni of NSW. So that’s on the list. A new car, of course, perhaps a luxury vehicle, a Lexus say, since I am very happy with our old Camry. Another $2 million in the bank for a comfortable retirement ahead (not too soon, since I don’t want to get bored) would also be sweet. I can picture it now, a lovely new house, luxury car, money stashed away for retirement travelling and golfing.
Speaking of golf, how about a life membership at one of the nice golf courses close to where I live here. And please St. Peter, throw in a good set of clubs and some nice golf attire. Speaking of clothes, I haven’t redone my wardrobe in a serious fashion for many years: how about a gift voucher for a few thousand bucks at a local department store. I`ll want my theory of Rational Trigonometry to suddenly be understood by the academy, ensuring a promotion at work to full Professor; heh why not one of those Scientia Professorships that pay twice as much with only half the work? That should about wrap it up. But I still have another ten minutes to go. Am I being too modest here? What will my wife think when she finds out I had a blank cheque and came back with only a modest haul. And in a few years that Lexus will be a used car… Shouldn’t I be more ambitious?
And what if some friends come to visit? Let’s upgrade to a 5 bedroom house in Double Bay for $5 million. Let’s add a top of the range BMW, and–you only live once—a spanking new red Ferrari. Actually I don’t care much about cars, but surely I can get interested once these are parked in my triple garage. The rich and famous who live there are probably a bit stand-offish, so I`ll ask that I become an internationally famous mathematician: Rational Trigonometry will be such an educational breakthrough that I will be in hot demand on the lecture circuit, girls will ask for my autograph in the street, and pollies will invite me to their lavish dinner parties. Russell Crowe and James Packer will become my good buddies, and drag me to those tedious football games, where I can sit in the high class enclosures sipping champers. Speaking of, I need a wine cellar, and say 2000 bottles of the good stuff. Probably I want a library too, and a tennis court—let’s make that house a $25 million mansion at Piper’s Point instead.
But then all my new buddies will have holiday weekenders and villas in Tuscany. I want a holiday weekender too, say in Leura (I think I only have about 5 minutes left!!), and a villa in Tuscany. And a helicopter, and a horse riding ranch, say out near wherever James has his. And a private jet. Wait! I will need a lot more dough to pay for all the staff, maintenance and taxes that all this stuff requires. I want $100 million in cash. No, I want $10 billion in stock. Why limit myself? Why should Bill Gates outdo me in my future philanthropy? I want $100 billion in cash, bonds and stock. And–
What? It appears that St. Peter has been timing me, and I just ran over my thirty minutes. [Insert sad face here]. The deal is void. Whoops. Better not tell my wife about this.
But to tell the truth, it was all starting to sound like a major headache, if you know what I mean. Now I am back to the essential mystery of my life, and I better get off to work; I have a 9 am meeting.